Its been a while, lots of things have changed since the last time I blogged. This one won't be about food though. I'm posting my thoughts here because I doubt anybody will see this, especially those in my family it might worry unnecessarily. My last post was in 2016. Since then, I've been to 10 funerals, including my father's in 2019. I can sort of remember the first funeral I went to when I was in the 1st grade, it was my maternal grandmother. I've watched each grandparent pass away. Many times in the hospital. I remember sitting in the hospital when the doctor sat me and my mom down to break the news my dad had cancer the first time. I have a big phobia when it comes to doctors and hospitals. The last time I went to the doctor, I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I pretty much worked on my diet and got past it, but the medicine I had to take kind of messed me up to be honest. I had to stop taking it because it was getting out of control and the doctors didn't seem to care about it or didn't know what to do about it.
This past weekend was Texas Showdown, I think it went fine. A lot of people seemed happy with it. From the organizational side, it was a mess. Javi stepped down officially this past Saturday. But he already checked out last June. Since then, me and Jace have been working on the Tournament Director role. I haven't been in this position since Javi came back in 2013, so it was a nerve wrecking eye opening experience. Javi still has people contact him for things, and he's still the main venue contact, but in the future I'm not sure where that stands. We ended up on the positive side, instead of heavy negative of last year. So thats a plus, but how we move forward is anybody's guess. We need a lot more help, especially if we grow larger, but we keep losing people instead.
Besides that, mentally, I'm not sure where my headspace is. Since the last blog, from what I've read online, I'm definitely having symptoms of depression. But I don't want to goto therapy, or take drugs or whatever. This is pretty much my first time to really acknowledge it. I think its because talking with my mom, and her talking about her depression, kinda made me realize that I might be having it too. As I've gotten older, I've grown way more anti-social. I've always hated public speaking. Being in a front facing role at Showdown terrifies me. I tested myself doing a panel at Showdown, but even with just 5 people, including friends, I couldn't look people in the eye and was kinda speed talking through it to get it over with. In the end, I got through it, the weekend went ok, we hit our minor goals, just need to finish up the rest of the financial details and move on to next year.
I might goto Evo Japan, spur of the moment, bad decision. But I think it would be a nice mental break and vacation. Evo Vegas isn't until August, and my other Japan trip isn't until November. I think I should take that trip...